The Secure Poly

Opening up my relationship was one of the best decisions I ever made.
The freedom of variety, attention, and adventure has opened up so many opportunities to grow exponentially in every way. I have grown intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and even professionally because of this love style.

But my journey here was not as easy, peaceful, or as safe as it could have been. I simply didn’t have the tools that are available to you now inside Leveled Up Love Plus.

I was with my wife for 19 years. I felt that I was in a relationship that seemed to have everything anyone could want. We trusted and respected each other and had a lot of shared values.

Our romantic life was good, yet I still had this nagging feeling that something was missing. I wondered why I still had desires for other people. What was wrong with me? Was I a greedy person?

I felt so much guilt and shame for wanting to receive and give more love. But I was stagnating, and the stagnation was killing me, slowly.

Then, I gained a new perspective when I was exposed to the shows Big Love and Polyamory: Married and Dating. I ended up reading five books in a row including Mating in Captivity and Myth of Monogamy to discover more. Now, I’m not a reader. I had not read a book for years at that point, but I devoured those books. I clearly heard a calling.

I became convinced it was in our best interest to open up our marriage, but she had many reservations. So, we explored being “monogamish” for 3 years. We both thought this was the fix, at first. But it was just about physical variety, which wasn’t enough for me. I knew all along that what I was really seeking was relationships with emotional depth.

Eventually, my wife and I came to acknowledge that we all have the capacity to love more than one person at the same time. We moved into a new house. It was a sprawling, beautiful property that could hold eight people. I had dreams of a big love tribe built upon safety, support, and connection.

But in my gut, I knew I was taking a big risk with my marriage. And that’s when I realized I was okay with that. THIS was my purpose. This is who I AM.

So, we continued opening up our marriage even through difficulties, moments of jealousy, and breakdowns. We were not equipped. We thought all we had to do was start other relationships with a few simple rules of engagement and we’d be okay.

The books we had read hadn’t prepared us for the real challenges of polyamory. Ultimately, my wife decided she no longer desired this lifestyle… or even me. And it hurt. A lot. Although it was a conscious uncoupling, I still put my kids through the transition that I would have never wanted for them.

But after going on this tremendous journey of growth and discovery, I feel incredible. I’m living my truth and my needs are fully met. My kids adjusted well to a very slow and mindful transition. And now, especially in the last three years with Lea and Krissy, I found my love tribe and it’s growing.

Our love, connection, and sense of belonging has been growing and growing; it’s been on a non-stop growth trajectory. We’ve all had spiritual awakenings. We’ve all experienced intellectual, emotional, spiritual and even professional growth. And SO much healing.

Now I know it’s possible to have a really fulfilled life! And it’s something that I want for all the members of our community. I wanna share the tools and insights I’ve gained so you all can feel safe, seen, and loved while exploring your freedom to grow, heal, and contribute back to others!